Where In The World Is Teresa?

Hello to all my readers!  I openly admit it's been quite some time since I've posted in my blog.  To my loyal readers who look to this for hope, support, and information, I apologize.  I have let life get in my way of updating something that is very important to me.  Each of my readers matter to me, and I personally understand how important it is to find information on the Internet that is proof that life goes on beyond a breast cancer diagnosis.  I have not been showing that of late, and this post is a reminder to myself that I have a responsibility to everyone who is going through treatments and facing a breast cancer diagnosis that there is hope!

This past Saturday, I was standing in line at the BMV waiting to renew my son's tags for him.  I was texting and engrossed in my phone just trying to pass the time as I stood in line.  I glanced behind me to see how long the line was, and there stood a tiny woman wearing a head wrap.  She was clearly missing eyebrows, and I immediately recognized the telltale signs of a woman facing chemotherapy.  I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but lean over and ask her if she was currently undergoing chemotherapy.  I introduced myself as a breast cancer survivor of only one year, and her eyes filled up with tears.  She too had breast cancer, and she said she felt blessed beyond words to have been at the BMV at that exact moment as she had been having a particularly rough morning.  My simple gesture reminded her that what she was facing won't last forever, and it does get better.  I thanked God in that moment that I was standing where I was and able to give this woman some peace and hope.  THAT is the intended purpose of this blog.  That is the reason I began documenting every stage of my treatment.  Although I had no idea the outcome when I first began, I was determined to do my best to keep living my life as much as possible through my treatments.  When I was first diagnosed, I scoured the Internet for proof that I could maintain a normal life while facing breast cancer, and I honestly didn't come up with much.  Most of what I found was very negative and disheartening.  I wanted to change that. 

It's been one year and 5 months since my double mastectomy, and one year and 6 months since my last chemotherapy.  My hair is currently about 4.5 inches long.  It's been cut one time, and mostly only at the bottom.  It grows out in layers, and you have to trim the "tail" off so it doesn't look like you have a mullet.  Below is a photo that was taken last week so you can see where my hair is at this stage.  It's short, but I'm happy to have hair! 

I'm the on on the left.  =)

I continue to have issues with cording in my left arm.  This began last summer, and it's progressively got worse.  I began going to physical therapy this past winter, and while it helped to relive some of the discomfort, it didn't eliminate it entirely.  I had a lot of cording, and some very thick cords.  Over the course of about 5 months, I was able to get cords to break, which was a very satisfying feeling, but I have one very large, thick one that won't budge.  This cord is pulling and attached from under my left arm where my lymph nodes were removed, and it's causing quite a bit of tightness and discomfort in my left breast.  My physical therapist has pretty much given up at this point as he said he simply cannot get it to break.  My surgical oncologist mentioned at my last appointment he may be able to do surgery if PT didn't help, and that option is looking better and better.

My left breast is much tighter and firmer than my right breast.  My right breast (non cancer side) feels and looks normal besides the fact that I have no nipple.  It's very pliable and soft.  My left breast is very firm and tight.  They do not sit even as my left breast is much higher than my right since it doesn't have the natural drop or fold at the bottom.  It doesn't look awful, but it doesn't look normal either.  When I'm wearing a bathing suite or clothing, it looks fine, but I can see the difference.  I cannot wear a push up bra and push it up or in.  It pretty much doesn't budge.  But, I'm thankful to be alive and to have a breast at all on that side as my original diagnosis didn't indicate I would be able to get reconstruction at all on my breast cancer side.  I have considered nipple reconstruction, but I'm very reluctant to try it.  The skin on my left breast is very thin, and I'm terrified It won't heal right, and I will cause issues with my current implant.  I would hate to ruin what I currently have and end up having to get the implant removed entirely.  Therefore, I have decided to skip nipple reconstruction.   I have also considered 3D nipple tattooing, and I believe I'm going to skip this as well.  My instincts tell me it's just not worth the risk.   Finally, I'm not fully happy with the appearance of my left breast, and I'm not willing to tattoo it at the moment.  In the future, I may consider having it redone to correct the way it sits, and I may consider nipple tattooing at that time.  For the time being, I'm just letting it go. 

My left breast is also a bit harder and the skin feels thicker due to radiation.  When feeling my left breast, it just feels thicker.  Almost like there is a thick rubber layer beneath my skin compared to my right side.  I have no other side effects from the radiation besides the fact that my skin feels tighter and thicker on the radiated side. 

My legs do ache regularly.  I'm told this is a long-term side effect of the Taxol.  Some people find that it eventually goes away while others have it the rest of their life.  I have found that exercising regularly helps the pain.  The more I rest and "baby" my legs, the more they hurt.  The best advice I can give to those who are also facing this is walk regularly and get some exercise.  I'm not sure why it helps, but it does. 

These are the only real lasting effects I have from my treatments.  I have attempted to continue on with my life as much as possible as if it never happened--except I'm more appreciative of every moment I'm blessed to be here.  Of course, I have the same issue as everyone else at times.  An ache in my back sends a jolt of fear through my brain "what if it's cancer"?  But I have to remind myself that every ache and pain doesn't mean cancer.  I refuse to allow fear and cancer to control me or my life.  Obviously, if a pain is persistent for a period of time, I speak to my doctor about it, but I refuse to allow myself to travel down the path of being a victim to the fear of cancer returning.  I have accepted the fact that a recurrence is a possibility, and I am leaving it in God's hands.  I can see my doctor regularly and do my best to be proactive with my health, but I cannot control God's plan for me.  Accepting this has given me peace and allowed me to continue living my life normally. 

To those who are undergoing treatments, please stay strong and keep fighting.  Your life does return to normal.  It does get better.  As my very wise daughter told me when I was going through treatments, it's not forever.  It's just for now. 

Many Blessings!

Teresa

Hair Growth & Extensions

Here's the update all the women are looking for when wondering how fast their hair will grow out and what your options are!  Patience has never been a strong point of mine, and my hair is growing out painfully slow.  I tried very hard to like my hair as it was growing out--after all, I'm happy to just have hair period.  But I still hated how it looked.  I wanted my "girl" hair back.  I realize very short haircuts are in style right now, and a lot of people are willingly going and getting their hair cut shorter than mine currently is; but I would not have been one of those people to have chosen a super short cut.  I simply don't like how they look on me.  They look absolutely fabulous on other women, but I don't feel it's for me!

So, after some deliberation, I decided to take the leap and get some human hair extensions.  I went to the Charles Penzone Grande Salon in Dublin, Ohio.  My super fabulous stylist is Angelique, and I just LOVE her.  She is an amazing woman, and she did a fabulous job.  She used Hairdreams Quikkie Extensions.  Since my hair is still pretty short all over my head, I had to have 21 extensions used.  They last about 4 months, and I'll have to get them removed and moved back up my hair shaft (they are against my scalp at the moment, but as my hair grows, they will move down).  I was in the chair for about an hour and a half from start to finish.  This included inserting the extensions and cutting them into the style I wanted. 

Below are photos that show my before and after.  I took this photo the morning of my appointment to show how my own hair looked before getting them, and the second photo is with the new extensions.  Because they are 100% human hair, I can curl, straighten, or style any way I want. 

Cording & Physical Therapy

Hello to all my readers!  I realize I've been slacking quite a bit when it comes to updating my blog.  I've been incredibly busy at work, and I've been struggling to keep up with my day-to-day activities.  Today, I'm making time to update my true love--my blog!

As I neared the end of my radiation therapy in August 2014, I began having a tightening feeling from my arm pit that radiated down my arm into my elbow and even into my wrist.  It felt like something pulling and stinging.  I had been going to the gym regularly, so I thought I had damaged something while working out.  I stopped going to the gym, and it did get better for a while.  But, it came back this winter,  I found I could alleviate it to a degree when I stretched on a regular basis, but that tight, tugging feeling never really left. 

While laying in bed several weeks ago, I was rubbing my arm and stretching it above my head trying to get the discomfort to ease up.  It was really starting to hurt in my elbow and causing me to have difficulties reaching for things or extending my arm.  I realized I could feel what felt like ropes or cords going down the bottom/underside of my arm.  The cords began in my armpit and extended down to my elbow.  And their were a lot of them!  I recalled reading about cording when I was first diagnosed, but I didn't pay much attention to it.  I was focused on chemo and every other part of my treatment process at that time.  So I Googled "cording" to educate myself as I was fairly certain that's what was going on.  I found several great videos that explain what cording is, and after watching them, I knew without a doubt I had a bad case of cording. 

Cording is simply scar tissue that's formed and is attaching itself to normal tissue.  As it attaches to normal tissue, it puts tension on the normal tissue and that causes the tight feeling.  Movement and limited arm extension is caused from the cords preventing the tissue from moving freely.  I found some great stretches to alleviate cording, but I also read that the best thing to do was see my doctor and get into a Physical Therapist who could break the cords.  Once the cords are broken free from the tissue, they typically don't reattach, and the cording goes away.  I had an appointment coming up with my oncologist anyway, so I figured I'd ask her about it.  As I lay in bed trying to stretch my arm (now I knew I wasn't going to hurt myself and stretching was the best thing I could do), I used my right arm to push my left arm down flat against the floor.  I heard a loud pop, and I could feel a cord break in my arm.  It didn't hurt really.  It just felt like a guitar string breaking.  I actually felt relief when it broke, but I could still feel a lot more cords in my arm. 

I met with my oncologist a few days later.  She felt the cords, and immediately agreed I had quite a bit of cording going on.  Months worth since I had been ignoring it for a while.  I saw a physical therapist at the Stefanie Speilman Center two weeks ago, and she was able to break all the cords but two very stubborn ones.  When I say "all of them", I mean 10 cords. Yep, I had that many that broke between my arm pit to my wrist.  The scar tissue had attached in various places everywhere down my arm.  It hurt while she was stretching and pulling my arm, but it hurt in a good way.  It was an odd sensation.  There would be brief pain, then instant relief.  I walked out with two very stubborn cords still in place, and a referral to a Physical Therapist at Mountain River Therapy in Athens.  As much as I had tried to avoid it, I needed physical theraphy.

Since my Surgery almost one year ago, I've did stretches and my own physical therapy at home to re-gain my range of  motion in my left arm.  When I started, I couldn't raise my left arm more than three inches from my body.  In august, I could get it straight out from my body, and I can now get it straight up above my head.  While it's still tight and pulls, I have regained my range of motion, and it's been a lot of work!  I highly recommend stretching and doing range of motion exercises at home to ensure you regain normal use of your arm.  The cording is not a result of anything I did or didn't do.  No amount of stretching or not stretching would have prevented it.  It just happens with some people.  I'm one of the lucky ones I guess. 

I've had two Physical Therapy appointments in Athens, and she hasn't been able to break the two remaining cords either.  They seem to be very deep, and it's making it difficult to break them since I have full range of motion in my arm, and even with my arm completely extended, they don't break or "pop".  She does a great job working my the nerves under my arm and awakening those nerve endings that have felt deadened since my surgery.  I wish I had gone sooner now! 

I will continue to go to physical therapy once per week until we can get these last stubborn cords to break, but I will also go to try to strengthen and loosen my pectorial muscle.  It's very tight from my surgeries, and it's causing some shoulder pain and discomfort.  She's confident she can get me feeling as normal as possible after all I've been through, so I plan to keep going.  Maybe I will be doing those back flips again at some point this summer?  Okay, maybe I'll start with a cartwheel!  =)

Hair Growth After Chemo

When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, the first thing that hit me was "I'm going to die".  The second thought was "I'm going to lose my hair".  After speaking with many other women who have faced breast cancer and treatments, I've found this is a fairly common thought process.

I lost my hair in October 2013 after my 4th round of Taxol.  I completed all my chemo March 7, 2014.  My hair began growing back or "sprouting through" in early May 2013.  Since May, I've tried to document my hair growth as much as possible.  Yes, it helps me to see each month that it IS growing.  Because it's a frustratingly slow process.  It's easy to feel like it's not growing, and the photos are a way to prove to myself that regardless of how it feels, it is growing.  However, I also wanted to provide photo documentation for my readers so other women would be able to know what to expect.  What was "normal".

My hair was always somewhat curly before diagnosis.  It was longer, so I didn't realize just how curly it was.  I could scrunch it, and it would look like I had a growing out perm.  The curls were more annoying than a benefit though.  They weren't curly enough to be pretty, and just enough to get frizzy and always have an odd wave that seemed to go the wrong way.  A flat iron was my best friend.  Since my hair has begun growing back, it seems to be curlier than it ever was before.  I'm not sure if it really is curlier or if it's just because it's not that long yet.  I know some people have curly hair after chemo, so it could be related to that.  Or a combination of the two.

My hair is frustratingly annoying to try to style.  It has a mind of its own, and I'm not a fan of my hair being this short.  But I try from time to time.  I'm very tired of wearing a wig!  The growing out process is very difficult as it truly grows in looking like an old lady haircut.  Yes, I'm very grateful to have hair again and it's better than being bald, but it still doesn't make this any easier.  Several people have suggested I get my hair cut to make it easier to style, but I refuse to cut my hair.  I feel like I'm not going to like it regardless so what's the point?  I have a goal to get my first haircut in June, so whatever length it is then will determine what my first haircut is.

At any rate, below you will find my photo updates on hair growth!

The photo below was taken January 2015, 10 months after my last chemo.  

The photo below was taken February 2015, 11 months after my final chemo

Hysterectomy Surgery

To all of my loyal readers, I apologize it's been so long since I've updated.  Things have been very busy, and I just haven't had a moment to blog much.  So much has happened since my last update in late November.

Since I am BRCA1 positive, I had to have a total hysterectomy, which included my ovaries.  I wasn't thrilled about having this surgery.  In fact, I was dreading it.  I have suffered through years of female issues and various other surgeries in an effort to combat issues that would have easily been "fixed" by having a hysterectomy; but I refused to do it.  I watched my mom and sister deal with various issues associated with having a hysterectomy, and I didn't want to go down that road.  After dealing with early menopause symptoms while on chemo, I was really dreading the hot flashes.  But, I was at high risk for ovarian cancer since I'm BRCA1 positive.  As much as I wanted to put it off, I was afraid to wait any longer.  Since chemo ended, my ovaries had come back to life, and I was having issues with cysts on my ovaries (again), which were routinely bursting.  I also had several fibroid tumors in my uterus, which were quite painful.  It was time to stop fighting the inevitable and do what had to be done.  

On December 15, 2014, I had a robotic hysterectomy.  My surgery was done at the Ohio State Medical Center in Columbus Ohio by a doctor who specializes in this surgery for women with a history of cancer or at-risk cancer.  I have had three children, and they were all born naturally.  I was very fortunate in that I had got through three pregnancies with no scars or stretch marks, so as silly as it sounds, I was angry that THIS would lead to scars on my stomach.  But, I came out of surgery pleasantly surprised to find that the scars weren't really that big.  I had five small incisions.  My doctor did a fabulous job, and he made the largest incision below my bikini line.  

My doctor warned me that the surgery would be painful, but I honestly didn't feel it was too bad.  Yes, I was in pain; but compared to what I've been through over the past year, it wasn't that bad comparatively.  My doctor left my cervix in place, which made the surgery a littler easier, or so I'm told.  The lab results were returned a week after my surgery 100% clear of any type of cancer, so I was able to breath a huge sigh of relief.  In a sense, it made me feel like I had made the right choice to do the surgery when I did.   I beat cancer on this round!

I was off work for a week, then my office was closed for a week for the holidays, so I was home for two weeks.  I could have went back to work after a week, but I did move slowly after that first week.  It was nice to have the second week to heal, so for anyone facing this, I would recommend at least a week and maybe two depending on what type of work you do.  Stretchy pants and leggings were my best friend for a couple of weeks.  I was prescribed Vicodin for pain, but I didn't take it after the first day after the surgery.  I just took Tylenol.  

I've posted photos below documenting the incisions and the healing process up until now.  For any women out there who have this hanging over their head, it's not so bad, and I highly recommend a robotic surgery.  My scars are barely visible now, and I have no lasting side effects other than the fact that I'm adjusting to the fact that I no longer have estrogen in my body.  Yes, I have hot flashes; but they really aren't as bad as they were while on chemo.  These are manageable.  Of course, if you ask my daughter, I keep the house cold now.  I was always cold before, so this change isn't necessarily a bad thing!  Estrogen replacement isn't an option for me since I've had breast cancer, so I just have to deal with the symptoms.  

Here's to bikini season 2015--I'm ready!