Upcoming Hysterectomy & An Overall Update

It's been a little over a month since I've updated my blog, and it's been in the back of my mind that I needed to provide an update for my readers.  I've been trying to decide what to blog about in particular; but a specific topic has been escaping me.  Therefore, I decided to just begin typing and see where the keys on this keyboard lead me.  I'm living on the edge today and just letting the words come out.

First, I suppose I should say that I'm doing very well recovering from radiation.  My skin looks perfectly  normal now, and if I didn't have photo evidence to prove I had gone through radiation, you wouldn't know I had ever received it.  There are no residual signs on my skin itself that show I've had radiation (besides the very small tattoo marker dots, which blend in with other freckles I have).  However, over the past month, I can say I've noticed a marked increase in tightness in my chest and beneath my left arm.  I've always had some tightness on this side in comparison to the right side due to that being my breast cancer side and it getting beat up a lot worse than the right side, but what I have felt lately is definitely different than before.  Sometimes stretching simply hurts.  The tightness is comparable to a tendon that feels as if it's only about half as long as it's supposed to be.  My normal instinct is to baby this side and not use it so it will feel better, but this actually makes it worse.  The less I do, the tighter it gets.  So, I stretch daily even though it hurts.  I haven't been able to go to the gym as each time I do, I end up in pain.  This is quite frustrating to me, but I'm trying to force myself to get this tightness under control from radiation before I head back to the gym.  The tightness is caused from the radiation and how deep it penetrates.  Sometimes I have sharp pains in my left breast and in my arm pit.  It also aches in this area.  It's frustrating at times, but I remind myself that I've come so far in such a short period of time, and I have to be patient with my body.  I found a great video on stretches that help with chest tightness due to surgery and radiation.  Provided your doctor has released you to do these stretches and resume normal activities, I highly recommend these stretches as they are helping me: 

If you cannot see the embedded video, the link is:  http://youtu.be/c0stPP4sAfU

I do have my final surgery (I hope) coming up related to this breast cancer nightmare.  Because I'm BRCA1 positive, I have to have a complete hysterectomy.  I have no plans to have more children so this doesn't bother me for that particular reason.  However, it bothers me as I have to have my ovaries removed as well.  Which means no hormones in my body and premature menopause will kick in.  As you can imagine, I'm not thrilled about this at all.  I've put off doing this surgery this summer as I simply needed my summer to be about recovery and not more surgeries.  I'm seriously so tired of having surgery and being in pain from surgeries.  I'm truly over it!  But I know I must do this as I'm at high risk for developing ovarian, uterine and cervical cancer since I carry the BRCA1 gene.  I had an ultrasound several months ago, and my surgeon said everything looks fine and he saw no signs of cancer in my female organs, but he did stress that cancer can easily hide in these areas until it's ready to show itself.  I had a uterine ablation surgery in 2007, which leaves scar tissue in your uterus, so he's concerned something could be there that simply cannot be seen due to scar tissue.  My surgery is scheduled for December 15, 2014.  I'm not thrilled about having surgery so close to Christmas, but I know I can't keep finding excuses to not having it done.  So I'm doing it to get it over with. 

While I feel like I should have a sense of relief once this surgery is over, I fear that relief I seek may never come.  I've already learned that with every battle I win, a fear is always lurking in the back of my mind.  What if this ache is cancer?  What if it comes back someplace else?  My body aches--I must have cancer there too.  These are the thoughts a SURVIVOR has and must learn to deal with.  We walk the fine line between not becoming a hypochondriac and not brushing off things that should not be overlooked.  The line isn't clear, and it's difficult to tell when to take action and when to stop stressing.  It is a daily struggle within myself to relax and enjoy being cancer free in this moment.  I don't know what my future holds, and I'm learning I can't do much to control what my future holds when it comes to cancer.  I didn't do anything to cause myself to get cancer, and there honestly isn't much I can do to prevent it from coming back.  All I can do is try to stay positive and enjoy every moment I have.  Living for the moment isn't easy for me.  I actually struggle with this.  I'm a planner, and I like to be in control of my life.  Cancer has forced  me to give up that control and have faith in God's plan for me.  This hasn't been easy, and I fail daily.  But I also pick myself back up daily and keep moving forward with renewed faith.  Isn't that what it is really about? 

I've fought hard to remain strong through this entire journey, and I've come to the conclusion that I can be strong and also be weak.  As contradictory as that may sound, I've learned that strength isn't being so tough nothing ever gets you down.  Rather, it's allowing yourself to have weak moments, to be afraid, and to even cry from time to time but getting back up and continuing forward with renewed faith.  Strength is being afraid but taking that step anyway.  Strength is wanting to do nothing more than hide out and cry but walking right into the middle of the fire with your head held high.  This lesson is one I remind myself of daily.  Doubt and fear tries to take a hold of me each and every day.  But I keep fighting my way out of it, and I am accepting this will likely be a struggle I will face the rest of my life.  Gone are the days when I took my health for granted and cancer never crossed my mind.  I have a new awareness now, and I have to find that happy medium between blissfully being unaware and being diligent when it comes to my health.  I'm still trying to figure this one out, but I can assure you I will figure it out.  After what I've come through this past year, I've come to the conclusion I can do so much more than I ever thought possible.  Not because I'm so special, tough, or strong but because the human spirit and desire to LIVE is a powerful and driving force. 

Here's to surviving not only breast cancer, but all the junk that goes along with it--one day at a time! 

After Treatments & Surgeries: The Emotional Fallout

I've been thinking about updating my blog for a couple of weeks, but I've been struggling with a topic to cover.  I've did plenty of regular updates regarding chemo, radiation, and the basics on what to expect while going through various treatments.  Having reached the end of that journey, I'm left with the emotional fallout that's left.  I wasn't even sure what I was going to blog about tonight when I logged in, but I knew it would come to me as I began typing and letting my mind simply open up.  Within moments, my topic became obvious.  The emotional fallout after you've kicked cancer's butt.  What's this mean?  Read on to find out--from my point of view anyway.

Me and my daughter at Ohio University's Homecoming this past Saturday.  

Prior to my diagnosis last year, I was a busy mom juggling three teenage children of my own, a full time career, a two-year marriage that was already struggling, and 2 step-children.  Needless to say, I was busy and always on the go.  But I also found time for happiness. I spent the majority of my time with my children and simply enjoying their company, watching them enjoy life, and trying to soak up as much time with them as I possibly could.  For some reason, I had this overwhelming feeling to savor every moment I could get with them.  To soak up every precious second they would allow me.  After taking a small but memorable vacation with each of them individually that summer, I discovered I had breast cancer.  I believe God inspired me to plan those individual trips with my children last summer.  It was our time to recoup and prepare us for the fight we had ahead of us.

Finding out I had breast cancer was such an overwhelming and stressful time for me and my family.  I tried so hard to stay strong and positive for my family, but the fear would grip me so tightly sometimes, I couldn't seem to break free of it's hold.  I felt frozen and lost.  My life became a flurry of doctor appointments, surgeries, treatments, more surgeries, and more treatments.  I continued working full time while getting chemotherapy treatment through the end of December 2013.  I was getting Taxol, and it was a little easier to manage.  However, near the end of my 12 treatments, I could feel my body wearing down.  It was becoming a daily struggle to appear normal.  But, I kept fighting on.

Then I began AC treatment, and it truly knocked me on my butt.  If I wasn't sick, I was sleeping.  I was unable to go into my office at this point, so I worked from home.  My life literally revolved around getting to appointments, sleeping, and trying not to feel awful.  In between those moments, I would often find myself feeling as if I had been sucked into a dark, dark place I was trapped in.  The perpetual storm had settled over my life, and it was following me everywhere I went.  As hard as I had tried to smile through every second of my journey, I suddenly found myself at a low so low, I didn't know it existed until then.

While facing treatments, I watched my marriage fall to pieces.  My husband either ignored me or was finding a reason to yell at me.  I would find myself sitting and trying to figure out what I had done that was so bad to deserve not only cancer but to be treated this way during the worst period of my life.  I prayed and begged God to save me.  To help me get through the treatments and all the hurt in my life.  Every day, I searched for answers and signs that God heard me, but I often felt like he didn't.  I truly felt trapped in this dark life I hated.

As winter moved into spring, the leaves began to bloom, the grass began to grow, and signs of life began showing outside.  And things began looking up in my life as well.  I had completed chemo, and while I was facing my mastectomy, I had hope.  My mastectomy wasn't an easy surgery, and it was very painful.  I slept sitting up in a recliner on my couch for 2 months.  I set reminders on my cell phone so I would know when to take my medications.  My sister helped me bath daily until I was allowed to shower independently.  I would look around, and it made me sad to realize how much I had faced in the past 6 months, and how little my husband had participated in.  I was home alone during the day, and I was unable to cook for myself.  So I often went hungry.  Many people commented this summer that I had lost a lot of weight on chemo.  I lost the majority of my weight after chemo was complete and while I was sitting at home recovering from a surgery unable to get food for myself. But, I survived it, and I came out on the other side just a little stronger.  I had something else to focus on at this point.  Expanders then implant swap.  The treatments and surgeries seemed never ending.  At this point,  my husband chose to leave me.  It was actually a relief so I could stop stressing about what his next action would be.

After I had my surgery to get my implants, I found great relief in how I felt.  Expanders suck.  While my breasts don't look quite as awesome as they did prior to breast cancer, they look good considering my circumstances.  Not having nipples is quite a strange thing to see when I look at them, but I'm getting used to it.  I'm strongly considering getting 3D nipple tattoos.  I feel like they will help me to feel somewhat normal when I look in the mirror.  They make help this blank canvas look a little less blank. After my reconstruction, I had 34 radiation treatments over the course of this summer.  It was exhausting going to radiation every single day for five days.  Yes, they only last 20 minutes at most, but it's still exhausting--especially when you've already been through so much. 

I still have one more surgery to go.  I have to get a complete hysterectomy since I am BRCA1 positive. I've been putting it off a little.  I just don't want to feel like garbage again.  I feel like I've been through so much in such a short period of time, and I just needed a break and to simply live my life for a little while.  I know I have to do it soon though.  I have to ensure I don't give cancer a head start anywhere in my body.

I've recapped all of this to give you an idea of how my treatments and surgeries have been back to back for the past year.  It's been constant and non-stop.  And what happens when you suddenly find yourself done with all your treatments (no more chemo or radiation), no more surgeries, no more breast cancer owning your life......

You learn to like your life as it is NOW.  I've been referring to this as the emotional fallout.  When your life isn't consumed with doing whatever is necessary to save your life and you're no longer focused on kicking cancer's ass, you realize you've spent so much time focused on this that you have to relearn how to focus your life.  Emotionally, I catch myself feeling sad for the things cancer took from me.  It took my hair (yes it's growing back, but I'm impatient, and I want my long girl hair back), it took my self esteem for a while, it destroyed my marriage (which was more of a blessing as I cannot be with someone who fails to be there for me "in sickness and in health"), and it made me lose a year of my life.  As I'm getting back into my normal routine, I am constantly reminded of how I missed an entire year of my REAL life.  Duties I would have normally managed at work, someone else did last year.

Emotionally, I feel like I look around and there are all these pieces of me all over the place.  I keep picking them up and trying to decide which ones fit this new me I've found myself to be.  I am happy and positive 99% of the time about my prognosis, but every once and a while, fear grips me.  Or maybe it's one of those pieces I pick up occasionally to look at.  Sometimes I allow myself a good cry but I pick myself back up and keep moving forward

Have you ever tried to put a puzzle together only to realize some of the puzzle pieces don't belong in the puzzle?  Perhaps they were mixed in from another puzzle, but they simply don't fit.  Sometimes, I feel like I find puzzle pieces that simply don't fit anymore.  I set them aside just in case I find a new location for them, but the majority of the time, I stay focused on the ones that do fit and work.  Breast cancer changes your life.  When I look in the mirror, I do not see the same person I used to see.  Both physically and what's inside.  So much about me has changed.  I have a new normal now.  I've learned to accept and love who I am now.  Therefore, I'm in the process of sorting out those puzzle pieces and deciding which ones fit this new normal and which ones don't.

The emotional fallout a patient is left to deal with can be tough, but it's an awesome opportunity to revaluate yourself and create a better you.  A true chance to pick yourself back up piece by piece with an entirely new perspective on life and how simply precious it is.  My time on this Earth is not promised, and I do not know what life or God has in store for me.  But no one does really.  I'm just a little more aware of it than others.  Therefore, I look at each day as a new day I get to learn something new and perhaps put another piece of my puzzle together.  Emotional fallout isn't easy, but it can help you build a better you.  You're worth every effort you put into it, so handle with love, care, and devotion.

3 Weeks Post Radiation Update

Hello to all my readers!  It's been a while since I've updated my blog.  To be honest, I needed a small break.  I did my best to update it regularly every week through all my radiation treatments, and it became quite a job to keep up with.  It was nice to take a little break, and things have been very busy at my job. 

I am doing VERY well, and my skin healed very fast as soon as I stopped getting radiation.  I'm very pleased with how my skin looks now as you can barely see the line along my rib cage that was so obvious before.  I feel so very fortunate to have recovered so quickly.  I've included some photos I've taken along the way since I stopped getting radiation so you can see the progression of how my skin healed. 

You will see my skin looks perfectly normal now, so take heart.  You will look normal again.  My left breast is still a little tighter than my right.  This is related to the radiation on that breast and how my skin and muscles reacted to it, but I stretch it every day, and it's getting better.  It doesn't look as high or tight as it did the last two weeks of treatment. 


1.5 Weeks Post Radiation

3 Weeks, 3 Days Post Radiation

Radiation--Week 8: RADIATION IS DONE! September 8-12, 2014

Radiation--Week 8:  September 8-12, 2014

This is my final week of radiation! 

Monday, September 8, 2014
Today was my 32nd of 34 treatments.  This is the LAST Monday I have to walk into the cancer center first thing in the  morning and start my week off with radiation.  I walked in ready to conquer this week and close this chapter of my life.  I'm very much OVER radiation.  As my photos below show, my skin is almost completely healed along the top and between my breasts.  The new skin is very soft and smooth.  The area beneath my breast, under my arm and onto my abdomen is still peeling.  I still have some ugly, brown skin that needs to come off, so I have a very distinct line between new skin and the old radiated skin.  It's slowly coming off though.  I'll be glad when it's gone so I don't catch people staring at it while I'm at the gym!  The scar area that's currently being radiated looks very good and shows no signs of damage.  I didn't snap any pictures after this treatment. 


Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Today was my 33rd of 34 treatments.  Sheer determination that tomorrow is my FINAL radiation sent me walking into that building.  My dissolution hearing is at 8:30 a.m. in the morning, so I won't get my final treatment until later in the day.  I find it ironic that my marriage is officially over on the same day in which radiation treatment is over.  At any rate, tomorrow will be a BIG day for me.  I plan to continue posting photos even after radiation has ended until my skin is completely healed so those facing radiation can see how long it took my skin to recover. 

 

 

Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Today was my  LAST treatment!  I have completed 34 of 34 treatments!  I can't even begin to explain how good it felt to finish up these treatments and the entire cancer process in general!  I have one more stage to complete my reconstruction process--nipple tattooing, but that is simply a few hours.  I have several tattoos already, so I know what to expect for that.  I also have to have a full hysterectomy in November since I'm BRCA1 positive, but I'm not focused on that right now.  In this moment, I'm simply celebrating the fact that I have completed this breast cancer nightmare all before I hit my one year anniversary date from the day I was told I had breast cancer. 

I give God the credit for how well I've come through all my treatments and the blessings in my life.  I'm not superwoman, and there is nothing special about me in general; but I know without a doubt I have breezed through these treatments because God has kept his hand on me.  Even when things were very difficult and I felt like God had forgotten me, he was right there holding me up.  I'm so very thankful for the blessings in my life.  Even my darkest days were manageable because of God's grace, love and mercy. 

My dissolution was final this morning.  It was an emotionally trying morning, and it was a little bittersweet to start my day with a dissolution but finish it while closing the cancer chapter on my breasts.  I was quite tired that evening and literally crashed and slept most of the evening and through the night.  Emotionally, I was just drained. 

My photos below show how well I'm healing.  I still have a distinctive line on my abdomen where the new skin is lighter in color, but time will take care of that.  I just need a little sun to even things up.  Nothing hurts anymore from radiation.  The only residual effect I notice is my left breast is tighter than my right.  I can feel the muscle on that side tensed up and tight.  This causes that implant to sit a little higher and not look as natural as the right, but I'm told this tense and tight feeling will go away now that I'm done with radiation.  This is simply my body's reaction to the radiation that was directed right on that breast. 

Thursday, September 11, 2014
I woke up today to my alarm I had used the past 6 weeks for radiation.  As I was walking out my front door thinking "Ugh....I don't want to go to radiation", it dawned on me that I didn't have radiation.  As awesome as that felt, I then realized I was late for work!  My radiation was always at 9 am, so I would always go to radiation first then go right to work.  It was quite funny to realize I was so tired the night before that I didn't even change my alarm or have the foresight to truly enjoy the fact that I was done with radiation every morning to start my day. 

It felt amazing to NOT start my day with radiation.  It's one more step toward leaving cancer behind and moving on with my life.  I'm ready to keep moving forward toward brighter and happier days.  For too long, I've wasted days, months, and even years allowing others to steal my happiness.  Life is a gift, and we should be enjoying every second we are blessed with.  My promise to myself is to never waste another moment not appreciating the life I've been given or waste a second of my life on things or people that don't make me happy. 

I didn't take photos for this day, but I will be posting more photos soon to show how my skin is healing.  For this week, I'm going to take a break from the boob pictures and just enjoy my weekend!

Have a Happy Period =)

It's been six months since I had my last chemo on March 7, 2014.  It's hard to believe six months has already gone by as I've lived SO much in the past six months.  My life has changed so much over the past six months, and the sun is truly shining on every day again.  I wake up with a new zest for life, a smile on my face, and an eagerness to face my day--even if it's spent at work.  I'm alive and for that, I'm truly thankful. 

Cancer and chemo took many things away from me.  My hair, my smile, my marriage, my happiness, and my periods.  Yep, you read that right.  After my first chemo treatment, I stopped having my monthly cycle.  In its place, I got daily hot flashes that made me feel like a fire was consuming my body.  I would want nothing more than to stand outside in the snow in an attempt to put out the fire raging inside my body.  Chemo threw my body into premature menopause.  Gone were my periods, signs of estrogen, and feeling like a woman.  I felt like a dried up old lady in every way you can imagine.  I hated every second of it!  The hot flashes were absolutely miserable.  One minute I was sweating so bad I felt like I needed to shower multiple times per day and the next I was freezing to death.

My doctors warned me that some women's bodies do not recover from the early menopause that chemo causes.  So I've been preparing myself to likely never see periods again.  Not that I like having a period in particular, but it was just one more thing that was taken from me long before I was ready.   The past two months, I've experienced some MAJOR cramps.  All in my lower back and directly in my ovaries.  While sitting in meetings at work, there were a few times I truly felt like my ovaries were exploding.  It felt like everything was waking up at once.  Oh, and that "dried" up feeling?  Yeah, that's gone too.  Everything is back to normal--all you ladies will know exactly what I'm talking about.  ;)

Today, right in the middle of a very busy work day, my period decided to show up.  Normally, I would be annoyed and complaining; but it made my day.  Who knew?!  My body is truly one hell of a warrior to have survived all it's survived, and here it is trying to procreate and make a baby.  Apparently, my body is just as stubborn as I am.  So, for the ladies out there wondering if they will get their periods back, it took mine 6 months to show up. 

Now, pass me the Midol.....

Radiation--Week 7: September 2-5, 2014

Radiation--Week 7:  September 2-5, 2014

Monday, September 1, 2014
I did not have treatment today since it's Labor Day.  Yay!  A day off!  However, I wanted to say I had an absolutely fabulous weekend.  On Saturday, August 30, I turned 41 years young.  I had a party at my house, and it was quite an enjoyable celebration with my friends and family.  I am truly blessed to have so many people in my life who love me!  I've included a few photos from my party below. 

Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Today was my 28th radiation treatment, and my last full area treatment!  I can't even begin to explain how happy I am to have completed this portion of my radiation.  The areas that are the most sensitive and hurt the most are areas that will no longer be radiated after today, so they can now begin healing without any further damage.  I feel so very blessed to have made it so far with so little side effects.  Today, she set up the machine for my next 6 treatments, which will target the scar only on my left breast.  These 6 treatments will complete my radiation, and I can officially close this chapter of my life!

Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Today, I had my 29th of 34 treatments. As you will see from the photos below, my skin is really dried out and beginning to peel off in earnest.  It's  mostly all peeled off and revealed smooth, new skin between my breasts.  I'm having issues under my arm and beneath my breast now.  Thankfully, I'm done getting radiation in these areas so it can truly begin to heal now.  The radiation I am getting now only targets the scar across my left breast. 

 

Thursday, September 4, 2014
Today, I finished up 30 of 34 treatments.  I have finally reached the 30's, which means I'm almost done!  I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!  My skin is still very red in some areas and just a very ugly brown and peeling in others.  It's still sore, but it definitely feels better than it did.  I look like I worshiped the tanning bed way too much! 

Friday, September 5, 2014
I have completed my LAST Friday doing radiation treatment!  Whoop Whoop!!  Today, I finished 31 of 34 treatments.  I can't even begin to say how excited I am to almost be done with this!  The photos below show how my skin is all turning very brown.  Almost all of the redness has calmed down, and my skin just looks like it's peeling/dead from a very bad sunburn or even like I was burned in a fire.  I use a washcloth in the shower each day and gently rub it across the skin so it will peel off.  It's helping to keep all the dead skin off me and reveal the new skin.  It also keeps me from wanting to pick at it!  I'm not nearly as sore as I was prior to finishing up the full area treatments, and I am so glad for that.  It was truly starting to hurt!  I only have three more left Monday through Wednesday of next week.  Bring it!  I'm ready to be done with radiation!

Radiation--Week 6: August 25-29, 2014

Radiation--Week 6:  August 25-29, 2014

Monday, August 25, 2014
Today, I had my 23rd radiation treatment.  Needless to say, I'm very much over getting radiation every morning.  My skin is truly getting very sensitive and not recovering as quickly.  Granted, I realize I am very fortunate to have had so little side effects compared to many other people out there; but it is getting quite painful.  The most painful area at this time is directly beneath my left breast and down my abdomen.  I have a scar from my fill port when I had expanders on my rib in this area, and it's very tender.  The radiation is really irritating it.  I filled my prescription that was given to me to help my skin heal, and it does help a lot.  I wish it had been given to me much sooner.  The cream is called Silvadene.  I recommend asking for this before you see radiation burns on your skin if your doctor will call it in for you.

The photos below are marked 25 of 34; however, they are my 23rd treatment.   I confused the date with the treatment number!

 

 

Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Today was radiation number 24.  I didn't take photos this evening as my skin looks identical to the photos from yesterday.  I don't have much to report besides I'm really tired of doing this.  After today, I only have 4 more radiation treatments left that target the large "box" area.  The final six after that will be the scar on my left breast only.  So, while I won't be completely done as of this coming Tuesday, it's a milestone, and I'm getting very close! 

Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Today, after treatment 25, I began noticing that my skin is truly flaking off in the area between my breasts and along the top of my left breast.  It's as if I had a very bad sunburn, and the dead skin is peeling off.  It's pretty gross as it rolls off like black dirt. It really looks like I simply had a layer of dirt on me that was coming off in gross layers.  It didn't hurt when it came off, and it actually made my skin look better.  The area between my breast is not tender anymore, but the area beneath my left breast is extremely sensitive.  Only a few more left on the full area!

The photos below are marked 27 of 34; but I again screwed up when putting the text on the photos.  These are actually 25 of 34.  Also, ignore the black markings on my skin.  I was marked today preparing for my radiation that targets the scar area only. 

Thursday, August 28, 2014
Today was treatment 26.  Only two more full area treatments after today.  I can see the light at the end of this!  More skin is peeling off between my breasts.  It's really gross and still looks I have a layer of dirt on my skin.  I'm a bit OCD, so it's making me nuts! 

The photos below were after today's treatment:  26 of 34.  Again, I marked them wrong!

Friday, August 29, 2014
Today is my next to last full radiation treatment!  I won't have radiation on Monday due to Labor Day; so I get a three day break for my skin to heal up a little.  As you can see in the photos above, my skin needs a small break.  It's very sore!  I don't have photos from today as I was extremely busy all evening preparing for my birthday party cookout we are having at my house tomorrow night.  I didn't get to celebrate turning 40 last year, and I have so much to celebrate this year.  So I plan to celebrate double this year! 

Radiation--Week 5: August 18-22, 2014

Radiation--Week 5:  August 18-22, 2014

Monday, August 18, 2014
As I state with every week, I walked in dreading my appointment, but it gets me one step closer to being done, so in I went.  My skin on my chest right between my breasts really began itching in earnest over the weekend.  The inside of my cleavage on my left breast is also red and an obvious difference from the right side.  I try to take photos of this, but the flash and glare from the lights doesn't do the discoloration justice.  There is more than what shows up in the photos.  I try very hard not to scratch the area that itches as I know it will cause my skin to look (and feel) worse, but I catch myself doing it without thinking.  I've been layering Hydrocortisone ointment on the area as much as possible to try to prevent more damage to my skin than there already is.  The tired feeling I complained about early on really doesn't seem to bother me too much now.  Perhaps I've become used to it?  I'm so busy at work right now, I can't tell if the tiredness I feel is radiation or just the fact that I'm extremely busy. 

Tuesday, August 19, 2014
I woke up with a migraine and not feeling well at all this morning.  My radiation is at 9 a.m. every morning, and I knew when I woke up there was no way I could drive to radiation the way my head was pounding.  I called and asked to switch the appointment to later in the day so I could take some medication and try to sleep the headache off.  They switched me to 1:40 p.m., and I happily went back to sleep.  After waiting about 10 minutes for my appointment, I was informed the radiologist had to leave due to becoming very sick, so  I wouldn't be able to get radiation that day.  As much as I hated to miss a treatment, I honestly didn't mind.  I still wasn't feeling well myself.  But, I went to work and worked the rest of the day.  However, I went home and turned in early. My skin on my chest was still red and itchy even though I skipped a treatment.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014
I had my 20th radiation treatment today (out of 34).  I was informed I would not need to have any radiation that is shot from my back as I first told I might need.  Based on scans, the radiation is penetrating my lymph nodes in my midline area from the front.  She said this is due to me being so thin.  So, I will take that as my good news for the day.  After radiation today, my skin became pretty angry and red.  My left breast is bright red while my right is pale.  I truly look like I got a sunburn on the left half of my body only.  I also have a few white dots in the redness between my breasts as if my skin is trying to peel a little.  Again, I try to catch this in the photos, but I don't think it's showing up too well.  Below are photos after today's treatment.

Thursday, August 21, 2014
I am struggling with some pain from the radiation at this point.  Mostly on the underside of my left breast.  It's becoming very tender.  I'm finding the end of the week is pretty tough as the radiation is building up.  I always look forward to Friday for various reasons, but mostly get a break from treatments.  I've been using hydrocortisone religiously as directed, but my skin is having a tough time recovering at this point.  You can now see redness beneath my left breast and on the upper portion of my abdomen.

Friday, August 22, 2014
Today, I informed my radiologist of the pain I'm having associated with treatments.  She said she would speak to the doctor and have a prescription cream called in to help.  I'm not sure why this wouldn't have been given to me before things got bad?!  That's a bit frustrating!  I have a very obvious box on the left side of my body now that's angry red.  It's very clear the entire area that's being radiated.