November 22, 2013 marked my sixth dose of Taxol! This is the half way point through my Taxol treatments. I'm not half way done with all my chemo, but it's half way through this particular treatment, and I'm celebrating each and every milestone on my way to survivorship and recovery I can grasp!
My husband took me to treatment this week. He hasn't been able to take me to other treatments so far as it's hard for him to get off work, so it was cool that he got to take me to my sixth treatment, which I had been counting down to. I do not have Chemo this coming Friday due to the holidays. It's Monday, December 2 instead. This means I'll be getting my chemo three days late; but I will be getting it back on schedule over the course of the three following weeks. I'm obsessive about not wanting to miss a single dose or get off track.
While at treatment yesterday, I did experience a little hiccup I wasn't expecting. My first two treatments, I was given pre-medication to prevent an allergic reaction to the Taxol. If you don't experience a reaction, you're not required to continue getting these pre medications One of the pre-medications is a healthy dose of steroids. I hated how they made me feel plus they made my face, chest and back break out horribly. My face looked like a teenager's! It took me two weeks to clear up my face after my last dose of steroids. Chemo wrecks havoc on your confidence and self image. Having tons of acne makes it even worse! Unfortunately, about ten minutes into my treatment yesterday, I began feeling short of breath and my chest hurt--as if I had been running in the cold air. I had felt this way last week during treatment, but it was mild, so I ignored it. This week, it was more noticeable, and I was afraid to not say anything again.
Chuck alerted my nurse, and there was a flurry of activity. I felt silly for causing such a scene. Suddenly, there was 5 and 6 nurses and doctors in my room and checking me and asking questions. I already was wishing I hadn't said anything. I kept thinking to myself "It's really not a big deal". The nurses immediately turned off my Taxol drip and began checking my vitals. Everything checked out fine and within normal range. About five minutes after the Taxol drip was turned off, the shortness of breath and chest pain went away. My doctor came in and checked me; and she determined it was definitely an allergic reaction. A mild one; but a reaction none the less. She ordered a steroid shot, to wait 15 minutes, check my vitals again, and if all checked out, start the Taxol again. Needless to say, I wasn't thrilled about the steroid shot. I actually begged her not to give it to me. Unfortunately, she wasn't having any of it; and I not only had to get it yesterday, I have to have it each week prior to treatment now.
Having a reaction on the sixth treatment is rare, but anyone who knows me knows I am anything but ordinary. I do everything the opposite way that anyone else would do it. I choose my own path or just forge my own trail. I honestly do not try to be difficult or different. I just AM without even trying. Even when I try to blend in, I end up standing out. I was not thrilled with all the attention it brought yesterday. I just want to be the quiet patient who comes and goes without a single issue. If anyone is discussing me, I want it to be because everything was so unremarkable with me! Now, back to the reaction on the sixth treatment statement--notice I mentioned above I felt this last week too. I openly admit I've felt this feeling a little more each week over the past few weeks. I am not sure if the reaction worsens each week without treatment for it, or what, but I can honestly say I tried to ignore it; but this week it simply couldn't be ignored. I honestly felt like my heart was going to come out of my chest--or something heavy was sitting on top my chest. I suppose I should have said something from the start. My desire to be unremarkable and not make a fuss tends to make me ignore things I shouldn't ignore and convince myself "it's nothing". I simply don't want to be a pain or a complainer. I get annoyed by people who constantly complain or draw attention to themselves. Therefore, I tend to make sure I don't do this.
Once my chemo was started again, I felt fine and I had no further instances of feeling short of breath. Before I knew it, I was done and we were ready to leave. We stopped by the Hopes Boutique shop in the breast center. I wanted to make an appointment to have my wig looked at as it was driving me absolutely crazy. I couldn't keep the hair out of my face. The wig had been designed to part on the left, and I have always parted my hair on the right. I cannot stand to have my hair hanging across my forehead the wrong direction. It literally drives me nuts! I have tried pinning the hair back and forcing it to part on the side I wanted, but that thing had a mind of its own and would drop down in my face constantly. I was so annoyed with constantly having hair hanging in my face. My own hair is fine and soft, so having heavier hair hanging in my face was not going to sit well with me. They were able to get me an appointment for 1:30, so that gave Chuck and I some time to grab some lunch. We went to Miller's Alehouse next to the clinic, and it was absolutely amazing. Their food is fabulous, and I highly recommend it if you haven't tried one!
At 1:30, I was in the back of the boutique discussing my wig issues with the very helpful ladies--Michelle and Robyn. One of the issues was the wig was a little big for my head. I have an abnormally small head as it falls below the average size head. Yes, once again, I'm anything but normal. This makes finding a wig with a cap that fits my head naturally very tough. Mine tends to rub the back of my neck constantly because it's just longer than my head is. We discussed ordering a wig with a smaller, more petite cap. I also wanted a short haircut about the length my hair was before it fell out. In a very short period of time, I grew to love short hair. I loved my long hair, but short hair was so easy to care for and less cumbersome. There is a very good chance I'll never have long hair again because I now realize how annoying it is! We tried about every wig they had in stock, and very few worked for me. I was getting frustrated. Why can't caps be ordered based on your head's actual measurements!?
It became obvious nothing in stock was going to work for me. We did find a wig that fit my head more comfortably than the one I currently have; but the color they had in stock was blonde. Everyone knows I'm not a blonde. This meant they would have to order it. In the meantime, I needed to get my current wig to be less annoying. The first thing we decided to do was cut some of the length off of it. I have found the more hair that's on a wig, the heavier it is. Which means it's more annoying. Having your own hair hanging around your neck can be annoying at times. Imagine hair that isn't yours wrapping around your neck, getting in your mouth, etc. You seriously want to rip it out of your face and burn it! My wig had two major layers. The first ending just below my chin and the second just barely hitting my shoulders. It was an adorable cut and very much like the cut I've had most of my life; but it no longer was what I liked. That short hair cut was stuck in my brain, and I wanted shorter hair again! So, I sat in the salon chair and got my first wig cut. It's must like getting a hair cut. Only they are cutting off hair that isn't really yours. LOL She chopped off pretty much all of the second, longer layer from the wig, and I began to see an adorable long bob taking shape. She then thinned it out a little around my face. Finally, Michelle took the wig to the back and with it parted exactly where I wanted on the right, steamed it to re-shape the wig and train it to part where I wanted rather than where it had been parted when I bought it. I had no idea they could steam a wig to part in a particular place. Had I known this, I would have did it from the start because that part issue has been driving me insane since day one!
Needless to say, I was pretty happy with the results when she brought my wig back out. I may not need the wig they ordered, and if I decide not to buy it, it's okay as they needed it for their stock anyway; but it's good to not have a bunch of hair in my face and it feel more like my hair than it's felt since the day I had to begin wearing it.
After I got home last night, I put a scarf on my head and put some comfortable clothes on. Not long after I had been home, my daughter asked me to take her to the gas station for some munchies and movies. I thought about putting my wig back on, but I decided it was time to stop hiding behind a wig every time I walked out of my house. So, for the first time since I lost my hair, I left my house without a wig. I had a black scarf tied over my head, so I looked like I was out for a Harley ride, but it was still obvious I was bald as there was no hair peeking out the bottom of my scarf. I saw a few people in the gas station sneaking glances at me and trying not to stare too long, but it didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. I suppose I'm becoming more and more comfortable with the idea that I don't have to look like a glamour queen 24/7. I try not to consider myself to be a vain person, but I've always taken pride in my appearance, so it's difficult for me to face not "looking good".
Over the past week, I've noticed my eyebrows are getting very thin. I've been using an eyebrow brush and filling in the gaps and hiding the fact that they are falling out too; but when I wash my face after I'm home, they are definitely disappearing too. Several weeks ago, I purchased the makeup I would need to fill in my eyebrows as well as false eyelashes (because those will likely be the next to go), so I'm prepared; but it doesn't make it any easier. I've never been one to wear makeup constantly. I would go to Wal-Mart without a stitch of makeup often; but I now catch myself not wanting to go anywhere without making sure my makeup is done. I do not like HAVING to wear makeup. It's always been an option for me. Stupid cancer--I'm already SO OVER IT.
Other than what I have already mentioned, I have had a few side effects creep in on me. This week, I've noticed I'm thirsty even when I drink water. My mouth seems to dry out pretty fast. I just try to keep drinking water and keep it from drying out; but it's a constant battle. Also, last week, I began feeling like my hands were dry and chapped. They stung and itched. It was a strange feeling, and I kept putting lotion on my hands thinking they were dried out from washing them so often. Finally, near the end of the week, I realized what I was feeling in my hands wasn't my skin dry or chapped. What I was feeling was neuropathy caused from chemotherapy. It is a little uncomfortable, and it comes and goes, so I don't consider it to be a major issue. It's more of an annoyance than anything. But, I promised myself I would be honest about any side effects I had through this process and when they began so this may help someone else facing this.
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